“Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.19Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God;* for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’ 20No, ‘if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink; for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads.’” —Romans, 12:14-20
What is forgiveness, truly? I have been told that forgiveness is solely for us, not for the people who have wronged us. I have written about forgiveness before, but it has felt slightly hypocritical to do so because I still feel anger about some of the things that have happened to me.
I have heard the quote, “Hate the sin, not the sinner,” and that quote resonates with me very well. It is not always healthy to hold onto anger, but it is okay to be angry. Anger is a productive emotion, for good or for bad. However, it is my aim to live like Christ would want. Anger and hatred do not only hurt those who have hurt us, but they hurt ourselves. Anger and hatred—bitterness—can change a person. If you are bitter, it is harder to love others.
I have been tempted to retaliate many times in my life, but have talked myself out of it by reasoning that refraining will make me a better person. It’s the same principle that causes parents everywhere to say: “Be the bigger person.” In the Bible, God says, “Vengance is mine; I will repay.” God has control, and He chose to give humanity the gift of free will. As humans, it is not our job to judge others; our job is to love. The rest will come; we just have to have faith.
To live like Christ, we must to be kind to all, even the people who have hurt us. If you help your enemy, you are being noble and truly “the bigger person”. The humility that one displays when being kind to someone who has hurt them is “the coal burning on his head”. Humility is an attribute that everyone must respect.
The biggest lesson about forgiveness I have encountered comes from Jesus’ crucifixion. It was humans that accused Jesus of being a fraud, humans that betrayed Him, and humans who nailed Him to the cross. And yet, in return, Jesus gave humanity the ultimate gift: eternal peace and a place in God’s kingdom. After all that Jesus endured, He did so much for humanity—put his “enemies” above Himself.
We are merely humans. We’re not perfect. But if we can forgive, that’s a step closer to God. Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do. It is as much for our enemies as it is for us.