School pictures. No big deal, right? Ordinarily, no.
I had to take school pictures with my theatre class this past week, which I didn’t expect to be a big deal. It wasn’t, but the experience surprised and scared me a bit.
Unfortunately, to take the pictures, we had to sit on the bleachers. Normally, this doesn’t really affect me because I make sure to get a spot at the bottom bleacher; that way, I don’t have to climb the bleachers. However, this time, as I took a spot on the bottom, older kids started telling me that the bottom row was just for seniors.
“Just climb up,” one girl said unhelpfully.
I gestured helplessly toward the bleachers, my heart beginning to pound. I have so much anxiety surrounding any type of stairs. Going up isn’t bad, but going down makes me very, very anxious.
One of my best friends grabbed my hand and another boy put his arm out in case I needed to take it. I was grateful. I sat down and smiled for the picture, which was fine.
After that, everyone in the bleachers stampeded down and out the door. I looked around, again feeling helpless. My hands and legs started to shake as I looked to my only exit—the stairs. I was stuck, and it felt horrible.
For a while, I have had the goal of being independent. With that glance at the stairs and the knowledge that I couldn’t get down, I started to panic. It just hit me that there are some things I can’t do by myself. It was a scary realization.
Realistically, nothing bad would happen if I just sat on the bleachers. But the thought that I was helpless to go anywhere….well, that was a thought I wished I could ignore.
It turned out that the same boy who had helped me before pictures was still there, and he climbed up to help me without me even asking.
I was so happy that I wasn’t forgotten or stuck anymore. My knees trembled the whole way down and it took me a minute to get my breathing to calm down, but I was okay.
It really meant a lot to me that that boy was so thoughtful. He didn’t have to help me, but he did. He even asked if I was okay because I guess he noticed I was shaken up. My point is, there is kindness in the world, and sometimes you don’t even have to ask for it.
And as much as I want to be independent, it’s okay to need help. Stairs still make me nervous, but the more times I can climb them, my anxiety will ease.
I was overwhelmed at how anxious I was. My anxiety had never manifested so physically when met with stairs (ironic, isn’t it?). But it’s amazing how such a meaningful act of kindness helped my anxiety so much.