Sometimes—most likely—you’ll find friends that you really like. But sometimes, unfortunately, they won’t know when they are being hurtful.
This is what happened to me. Me, my sister, and two friends were playing a game. It was an athletic game, one where you needed leg strength—which I struggled with. We paired up to play the game, me with my sister, and my two other friends paired up.
“She wouldn’t be a good partner for that,” my friend—the one that I was closer to, actually—said with a glance at me. She then quickly added, “No offense.”
One, the words “no offense” don’t help after someone has said something hurtful. In fact, it might sting even more because afterwards when you might be angry or upset, your friend might either not understand or be defensive, claiming, “I said no offense.” Yeah, you did, but it offended me anyway.
What I learned is, if your friend just tends to say whatever pops into her head, eventually someone has to tell her to be careful with words. So, if it’s you who tells her, then 1) it is most likely someone she respects and 2) you might tell it to her more gently than someone else would.
But if your friend persistently makes insensitive comments even though you advised her not to, then she might not be your friend. Secondly, if she hurts another one of your friends, then you might have to choose. My friend that made insensitive comments is now only my acquaintance. But the friend she hurt is a true friend. I know how hard this is to accept. My experience was really challenging at the time, too. In the end, after two days where she did not speak to me, she apologized and things are okay now, but they really aren’t the same as before—like I said, she is now an acquaintance, as much as I hate what happened.
So, if your friends are being insensitive, don’t wait to tell them that it hurts your feelings. I did wait, because I’m not the kind of person who likes conflict. But in the end, it wasn’t me who incited conflict—I told my friend how I felt, and in the end, she listened.
